i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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