he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
pray to the hookup gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize