I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
