So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
