ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
