Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
