What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Shame is for Republicans.
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