My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
