she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
