What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
