What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
