So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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