I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
