Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
