There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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