I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
