so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
