I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
jump out the window naked night went bad
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