I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
