I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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