i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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