Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
