pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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