There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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