she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
