She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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