I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
