my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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