She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
