I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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