You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
