his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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