forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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