Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
