Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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