You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Enjoy the penises
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
