dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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