so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
