So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
