Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
