I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
