Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
