i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
