Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
