Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
