big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
