that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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