if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
bring money and cleavage
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
