sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
