I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
