Apparently you make a good broom.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
