you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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