Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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