My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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