I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
