I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
