I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
