so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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