just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
