You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
